A tiny fan carrying a megaphone walks the whole length of an empty floodlit pitch between the two goals.

Match ReportThe High Road Herald

Bergvall Thrived At Both Ends Says Report, So Season Ticket Holder Is Walking Between Them

Desmond Parry · Chief Football Correspondent6 October · Reading time: one pint

Spurs Web reports that Lucas Bergvall was rated 7.2 by FotMob for Sweden against Romania, ahead of Tottenham's meeting with Manchester United this weekend, and no match is scheduled at the stadium today.

A Tottenham season ticket holder has spent the whole of a quiet Tuesday walking the outside of the stadium, after reading that Lucas Bergvall thrived at both ends of the pitch for Sweden.

The report, published by Spurs Web, records that the midfielder played the full 90 minutes against Romania and was given a 7.2 rating by FotMob, the highest of any midfielder in the game. It also lists eight defensive contributions and one pass into the final third.

The man, who has no fixture to attend and no official reason to be there, read the phrase at 8.40am and left the house at 9.05am.

It says both ends. So I'm doing both ends. Someone has to be at the other one.

Our correspondent observed him complete eleven laps of the perimeter by lunchtime, pausing at each end for what he described as the defensive part and then what he described as the other part.

At the first end he mimed a clearance, one of three recorded in the source. At the second he stood for some time doing nothing, which he said was the single pass into the final third.

The stadium remained closed throughout. Tottenham face Manchester United this weekend, with the club at the foot of the Premier League table, and the man says he intends to be in position well before that.

At press time he was heading back to the first end.

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A flat illustration of a faceless footballer in a plain green kit celebrating beside an oversized teacup with a parrot perched on its rim.

TransfersThe High Road Herald

Cafe Issues Statement On Parrott Release Clause And Confirms Tea Remains One Pound Eighty

Barry Napier · Transfer Correspondent6 October · Reading time: one pint

The notice, typed on the premises and laminated by hand, also confirms that the cafe has no release clause of its own.

A cafe within walking distance of the stadium has issued a formal statement on the reported release clause in the Real Betis contract of Troy Parrott, stating that it has noted the figure and will make no change to its prices.

The statement was typed, printed and laminated before opening, then fixed to the inside of the door at approximately 9:15am. The Herald understands the cafe was not asked for a view.

It follows a report in Estadio Deportivo that the former Tottenham striker has a €100million (£85m) clause in his deal at Betis. The report, which the notice reproduces in full, adds that there is "no concern" about English clubs coming for him.

The cafe's management committee, which comprises the proprietor and one part-time member of staff, sat at the counter for eleven minutes before the breakfast rush. Minutes were not taken, but a receipt was turned over and written on.

We've looked at the figure and we've looked at the bacon. The two are not related, and we want that understood.

The notice goes on to acknowledge that Tottenham have scored two goals in the Premier League this season and sit bottom of the table, and that Parrott scored four in the international break. It declines to draw a conclusion from either.

A regular at the corner table asked the proprietor whether the club would take him back. He was advised that the toast was getting cold.

The sausage sandwich is unaffected.

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