A flat illustration of a faceless footballer in a plain green kit celebrating beside an oversized teacup with a parrot perched on its rim.

TransfersThe High Road Herald

Cafe Issues Statement On Parrott Release Clause And Confirms Tea Remains One Pound Eighty

Barry Napier · Transfer Correspondent6 October · Reading time: one pint

The notice, typed on the premises and laminated by hand, also confirms that the cafe has no release clause of its own.

A cafe within walking distance of the stadium has issued a formal statement on the reported release clause in the Real Betis contract of Troy Parrott, stating that it has noted the figure and will make no change to its prices.

The statement was typed, printed and laminated before opening, then fixed to the inside of the door at approximately 9:15am. The Herald understands the cafe was not asked for a view.

It follows a report in Estadio Deportivo that the former Tottenham striker has a €100million (£85m) clause in his deal at Betis. The report, which the notice reproduces in full, adds that there is "no concern" about English clubs coming for him.

The cafe's management committee, which comprises the proprietor and one part-time member of staff, sat at the counter for eleven minutes before the breakfast rush. Minutes were not taken, but a receipt was turned over and written on.

We've looked at the figure and we've looked at the bacon. The two are not related, and we want that understood.

The notice goes on to acknowledge that Tottenham have scored two goals in the Premier League this season and sit bottom of the table, and that Parrott scored four in the international break. It declines to draw a conclusion from either.

A regular at the corner table asked the proprietor whether the club would take him back. He was advised that the toast was getting cold.

The sausage sandwich is unaffected.

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An illustration of a supporter on a stepladder drawing a football formation on the back of an enormous rota sheet while a colleague in a navy top watches from below.

LettersThe High Road Herald

Colleague Forced To Watch Supporter Redraw Spurs Web Eleven On The Back Of The Rota

Edith Marlowe · Letters Editor6 October · Reading time: one pint

The rota, which also records who is responsible for the milk, now has a goalkeeper written beside Wednesday.

Sir,

I sit opposite a Tottenham supporter, and have done since March, and I wish to place on record what I witnessed between nine o'clock and ten past eleven this morning.

He arrived with a printout of an article on Spurs Web concerning the eleven it is desperate to see against Manchester United. He read it aloud. It names Kinsky in goal, Gray at right-back, and a midfield three he described as "not even a debate". I had not asked.

He then drew the eleven on the back of the stationery cupboard rota, in the shape of a back four, three in midfield and three up front. By my count he did this fourteen times, each time with a different pen, each time remarking that Spurs are bottom of the table after a winless start, as though the information were new to both of us.

It isn't a prediction. It's what we're desperate to see. There's a difference.

I said I could see the difference. He said I couldn't, and drew it again.

He also referred to the fixture as El Sackiko, a name he attributed to some in the media. I asked which media. He said "some", and moved on to Udogie at left-back.

I was then asked for my own eleven. I said I was not aware I had one. He looked at me for a while and wrote one for me.

Just look at the midfield. Just look at it.

He has asked whether Roberto De Zerbi might see the rota. I said I thought it unlikely. He said he wouldn't be surprised.

Yours, from the opposite chair.

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