Six Spurs Injuries Since Old Trafford Convene Group Chat, Which Examines Calves From The Front Seat

A group chat of five Tottenham supporters convened a formal sitting on the top deck of a London bus on Tuesday morning to consider the club's injury list, which Spurs Web describes as having grown by six players in ten days.

The chair, who occupied the front seat on the grounds that he had arrived first, opened proceedings by reading the concerns aloud: Savio, Bergvall, Udogie, Robertson, Adarabioyo and Marmoush.

The panel noted that Roberto De Zerbi has suggested the last three are not serious, and resolved, by three votes to two, to treat this as the opening position of a longer story.

A knock is never a knock. Look at Kulusevski. I've got the number of days written down.

The chair then held up a thumb and pressed it against the window in a manner he described as clinical, and the panel recorded that Marmoush had been holding his calf and that a calf is, in the chair's words, "the one near the knee".

On Udogie, whom the source says was left out as a precaution after discomfort in his knee, the chat reached a firm verdict of "probably the other knee". It was not asked which knee had been mentioned and did not offer.

The panel welcomed the news that Pedro Porro could feature at Chelsea on Saturday, and agreed to hold its concern in reserve until Friday, when it will be reinstated in full.

The session closed at Seven Sisters after eleven stops, with the stop bell rung once by the chair and once, by mistake, by the person seated behind him.