Wenham Udogie Praise Is Retold Over Porridge, Outstanding Becoming Unplayable, With Nothing New Added

A householder in North London sat down to breakfast on Sunday and learned, from one website, that a podcaster had thought Destiny Udogie was good against Manchester United.

By the second website, according to the householder, Udogie had been outstanding. By the third, the same man had turned a corner. By the fourth, the corner had been described as a complete transformation, though the corner remained the same corner.

The remark originated with John Wenham, who spoke to Tottenham News about the left-back's display at Old Trafford and said he would like to see more of it if Udogie stays fit. That is the full extent of the news. The Herald has checked it against every subsequent version and can confirm that nothing has been added to it.

It said Juventus, so I read it again for Juventus, and it was the same Juventus. Fifteen million euros. Same number. I checked the number.

The household's second reading established that all five articles contained the same Juventus figure, the same mention of Andy Robertson arriving on a free transfer, and the same note that Spurs sit bottom of the Premier League with three points from six games. Three of the five also led with the word verdict, which the Herald understands to be the website's preferred word for a podcaster having an opinion.

The householder reports that the toast, which was on at the start of the first article, was cold by the end of the fourth. The porridge was not restarted.

A fifth version, read aloud to a spouse, was received with the words "you've just told me this". The householder confirmed this was so.

He has since closed the laptop and opened the same website on his phone.