TransfersThe High Road Herald

Office Sweepstake Committee Minutes Giuliano Simeone Link And Resolves To Await A Second Source

Barry Napier · Transfer Correspondent10 October · Reading time: one pint

TEAMtalk reports that Tottenham, Manchester United and Manchester City have each explored a move for the 23-year-old Atletico Madrid forward, and the committee's minutes run to two pages.

The Accounts Department Transfer Sweepstake Committee of a North London firm met at 12:40pm on Friday to consider a TEAMtalk report that Tottenham Hotspur have explored signing Atletico Madrid forward Giuliano Simeone, 23.

The chair read the report aloud in full. This included the headline, the related links, and the caption beneath a photograph of an unrelated defender at Old Trafford, which he described as "context".

The committee noted that the report also names Manchester United and Manchester City as having made enquiries about the forward during the summer window. It further noted that Roberto De Zerbi is reportedly an admirer, a word on which discussion lingered for eleven minutes.

Reportedly is doing a lot of work in that sentence, and I would like that minuted.

It was so minuted. The committee then considered the report's observation that Atletico Madrid are reluctant to sell. A vote of four to three treated this as "a complication" rather than an obstacle, with the dissenting three asking that their preference for "obstacle" be recorded.

A member who has held since August that the club needs a winger asked to be noted as having held it since August. The request was placed under apologies for absence.

The committee resolved to take no position on the matter until it receives a second source, defined in the standing orders as a different website saying the same thing. Three arrived before the sandwiches.

The meeting closed at 1:05pm.

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A scarf-wearing supporter seen from behind stands guard with a garden hose beside a giant skip piled with dark jackets outside a floodlit stadium.

Match ReportThe High Road Herald

Carrick Sack Called Unavoidable After Spurs Draw, So Supporter Stands Guard Over Skip With Garden Hose

Desmond Parry · Chief Football Correspondent10 October · Reading time: one pint

A match analysis piece says Michael Carrick's position at Manchester United is untenable after Spurs drew 1-1 at Old Trafford, and a supporter has been at the stadium skip since breakfast.

A Tottenham man has taken up position beside a skip outside the stadium with a garden hose, after a match analysis piece concluded that the 1-1 draw at Old Trafford was neither the water nor the petrol the occasion required.

The piece, which the Herald has read twice, describes the draw as the "anticlimactic grey area" and states that Michael Carrick's continued employment as Manchester United manager is unavoidably in doubt. It adds that it would not be surprising if either he or Roberto De Zerbi were removed within weeks.

The man has taken the second half of that sentence personally. He was at the skip by eight o'clock on a day on which no football is scheduled and the gates are closed.

The facts of the evening are not in dispute. Bryan Mbeumo scored, Rodrigo Bentancur was sent off, and Dominic Solanke equalised in stoppage time. Spurs now travel to face Coventry on Monday.

Somebody has to be on the water end. The article was quite clear. Nobody else has come.

Our correspondent asked which fire the skip represented. The man said the piece had been understood to mean both, and that he was ready for either. He indicated an empty watering can at his feet, which he described as the petrol side of the operation.

The piece also refers to "positive momentum" for Spurs, to be wasted against Coventry. The man has reserved Monday for the wasting and has asked passers-by not to rush it.

A member of stadium staff advised that the skip contains builders' rubble and has not been alight at any point.

The hose remains connected to an outside tap, with permission pending.

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