A comically oversized stadium seat crowded with tiny supporters and a giant pint glass, while a small striker in a white shirt stands on the pitch below.

TransfersThe High Road Herald

Pavlidis And Mateta On Five-Striker January List, So Group Chat Convenes And Claims Front Seat

Barry Napier · Transfer Correspondent18 October · Reading time: one pint

A football site has listed five strikers Tottenham could sign in January, among them Pavlidis of Benfica and Mateta of Crystal Palace, and a group chat of eleven supporters has considered the list on the top deck of a bus, in person, without dispute as to the seating.

A group chat of eleven Tottenham supporters met in extraordinary session on the top deck of a London bus on Sunday to consider a list of five January strikers, and reached a position on four of them.

The list, published by a football site, names Giménez, David, Pavlidis and Mateta, and describes a winter move for each as difficult. The chat accepted this as a fair summary of its own view of most things.

Proceedings opened at the front seat, which had been held since Manor House by a single coat. The chair noted for the record that the coat had arrived first and was therefore entitled to the view.

The first item concerned Giménez, who joined Porto on loan from Milan until 30 June 2027, with an option to buy that can become an obligation. A member asked what an obligation was. He was told it was a sort of option, and the item was carried.

The second item, David, is on a season-long loan at Atlético Madrid from Juventus and has made a strong start in Spain. The chat resolved to be pleased for him in principle.

On Pavlidis, the chair read aloud that he has 14 goals and four assists in 14 appearances for Benfica, repeating the figure a second time to the window.

Fourteen in fourteen. That's a goal a game. I've been saying get a goal a game since August.

Mateta's contract at Crystal Palace runs until June 2027, and an independent tribunal and FIFA have rejected his attempt to have the final year ruled invalid. The chat found this very legal and asked for a short recess, which was granted until the next stop.

A motion to discuss Dominic Solanke was ruled out of order on the grounds that he was not on the list. The chat then declined to proceed to a fifth name, citing the absence of a quorum after two members alighted at Seven Sisters.

The chat will reconvene when someone presses the bell.

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A tiny fan in a white shirt, seen from behind, shouts into an enormous megaphone outside a stadium at dusk while a distant silhouetted figure sits at a bare press table.

Paper TalkThe High Road Herald

De Zerbi Blunt On Richarlison Future, So Supporter Outside Stadium Answers Everyone In One Word

Philippa Crane · Media Editor18 October · Reading time: one pint

Sky Sports reports that Roberto De Zerbi gave a blunt response when asked about Richarlison's future at Tottenham, and a supporter at the closed stadium gates has not read beyond the headline.

Roberto De Zerbi gave a blunt response when asked about Richarlison's future at Tottenham, according to Sky Sports, and a supporter outside the stadium has taken the point to heart.

The man, who attended the ground on a non-match day for reasons he did not volunteer, has read the headline, in which the word BLUNT appears in capital letters. The Herald understands this to be the whole of his research.

He has since answered a passing postman, a steward on a tea break and a pigeon in single words. The pigeon did not press him.

It says blunt. Blunt means short. You don't need the rest of it.

Our correspondent asked him what De Zerbi had actually said. The supporter replied that it was in the article. Asked whether he had read the article, he said "No."

The steward, an invented but entirely plausible one, reported that the man had been brief for forty minutes, and that a question about the weather had received the answer "Wet."

Asked about Richarlison's future, he said "Hmm" and looked at the gate. He declined to elaborate, on the grounds that blunt men do not elaborate, and the Herald notes that this is broadly where elaboration ends.

Yes. No. Possibly. That's all you'll get from me.

He then went home for lunch.

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