Supporter Awards Four Out Of Ten To Substitute Who Did Not Come On

The rating has been defended at length and revised downward twice since full time.

A Tottenham supporter has this morning published player ratings for Saturday's fixture that include a mark of four out of ten for a substitute who did not leave the bench at any point.

The rating has been defended at length on the grounds that the player "didn't look interested on the bench either", a position the man has now held through two separate arguments and one group chat he was removed from.

Interrupting this report

The Monday Post-Mortem

The match report, in your inbox the morning after every game.

Free. One email per fixture. Unsubscribe whenever you like.

I'm not saying he's a bad player. I'm saying what I saw. And I saw nothing. That's a four.

Pressed for a second opinion, the man produced ratings for two players currently out on loan at other clubs, one of whom has not appeared for the first team since March.

Local observers note his ratings have correlated with the result in every match this season, a pattern he describes as "consistency".

At time of writing he had begun rating the warm-up.

Send this to a mate

Match ReportThe High Road Herald

Local Man Who Demanded New Manager In August Now Says He Never Said That

Desmond Parry · Chief Football Correspondent30 September

Witnesses confirm he has been saying it loudly since pre-season, in writing, and once into a microphone.

A Tottenham man has denied ever calling for the manager's dismissal, despite eleven months of uninterrupted public evidence to the contrary.

The Herald understands the denial was issued at approximately 4:50pm on Saturday, roughly ninety seconds after a deflected winner, and has been maintained with total conviction ever since.

Interrupting this report

The Monday Post-Mortem

The match report, in your inbox the morning after every game.

Free. One email per fixture. Unsubscribe whenever you like.

I've always said give him time. Always. Ask anyone.

He made the remark while standing beside four people who have heard him say the opposite at length, every week, for the better part of a year, including one who has a recording.

Our correspondent was present at the supporters' forum in February at which the man took a microphone, introduced himself by name, and spoke for two minutes and forty seconds on the subject of change being needed at the top.

Local historians note the position represents his fourth complete reversal of the season, placing him comfortably within the parish average.

He has since begun explaining what he meant.

Send this to a mate