A small figure in a padded coat carries chairs across a night-time petrol station forecourt, where a row of eleven chairs waits beside one empty seat.

FotMob Highest-Rated XI Sends Supporter To Forecourt With Eleven Chairs And Keeps Number Ten Free

Maureen Tench · Player Ratings Editor7 October · Reading time: one pint

Spurs Web has published Tottenham's highest-rated XI by FotMob average over the opening five Premier League games, with Van Hecke top on 7.30, and a season ticket holder has set it out in garden furniture.

A Tottenham season ticket holder arrived at the stadium forecourt on Wednesday morning with eleven folding chairs and has arranged them to match the highest-rated XI published by Spurs Web, based on FotMob averages across the opening five Premier League games.

The Herald understands the chairs were set out in the order printed, Kinsky at the back and Savio at the front, with Van Hecke, who tops the list on 7.30, placed on the best paving slab.

Spurs Web notes that Tottenham are 20th with two points from five games, having spent almost £400m in the summer. The man has read this carefully and concluded that it is a seating problem.

They've got the players. They've just not been put in the right chairs.

Chair number ten has been left empty, with a cushion, pending the return of Maddison and Kulusevski. The report observes that four players could operate there and not one has started in the role, a point the man has underlined twice in his head.

Two further chairs for Porro and Udogie are being held at the turnstile, as the article suggests Gray and Robertson would have started fewer games had both been fit. A twelfth chair, folded, leans against the railings in case of an unpopular argument about a number nine.

Stadium staff have not intervened. One passer-by asked whether the formation was final and was told it was under review.

The chairs remain in place, and chair ten is still free.

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A tiny supporter stands under a giant lamp post in an empty forecourt while a faceless footballer seen from behind looks toward him.

TransfersThe High Road Herald

Roberto Fernandez Reported Top Of Spurs List And Supporter Stands In Forecourt To Provide Focal Point

Barry Napier · Transfer Correspondent7 October · Reading time: one pint

TEAMtalk reports that Tottenham scouts are 'hugely impressed' by Espanyol striker Roberto Fernandez, who has scored six in seven La Liga games, and the forecourt has otherwise been swept and is empty.

A Tottenham man has taken up a fixed position in the forecourt of the stadium on a non-match day, having read that Roberto Fernandez is a striker 'built for English football' who can operate as a 'genuine focal point'.

The Herald understands he arrived at 9:10am, read the phrase twice on the bus, and concluded that somebody would need to be standing in the middle of something when the forward turned up.

It says focal point. Well, look around. There wasn't one. I'm not saying it's me. I'm saying there wasn't one.

TEAMtalk reports that Premier League scouting sources describe Tottenham as hugely impressed, with the Espanyol forward said to be right at the top of their list. The man has noted that the word 'right' appears in the sentence and has stood accordingly.

Having also read of the player's 'direct running', he has marked out a chalk line, forty metres long, from the car park barrier to the main doors. He walks it at intervals, briskly, to confirm that it is direct.

He is aware that Chelsea and Brighton have also been linked, and has positioned himself on the side of the forecourt nearest the club shop in order to be seen first. Tottenham sit bottom of the table without a win in five, which he describes as context.

Six in seven. You don't get that by accident. You get that by someone standing in the right place.

A steward confirmed that nothing is scheduled, no striker is expected, and the forecourt was swept at eight.

The man has brought a flask, in case of a delay.

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