A tiny anonymous footballer in white stands before five huge identical spiked gates stretching across a pitch, as a gauntlet to be run.

Paper TalkThe High Road Herald

Spurs Next Five Fixtures Versus Big Six Become A Gauntlet By Breakfast, With The Dates Unchanged

Philippa Crane · Media Editor13 October · Reading time: one pint

A comparison of Tottenham's next five Premier League fixtures with those of the Big Six, compiled by Spurs Web, was repeated by five outlets before nine, and the list of opponents is the same length in each.

A Tottenham household has now been told the same five fixtures five times before nine in the morning, each time with a firmer noun attached, the Herald understands.

The original list was compiled by Spurs Web. It sets Tottenham's next five league games beside those of the Big Six: Coventry City at home on Monday 19 October, then Chelsea, Crystal Palace, Leeds United and Ipswich Town. It also notes that Spurs are 19th after six games without a win, following a 1-1 draw with Manchester United.

The first outlet to repeat it called it a comparison. The second called it a run. By the third it was a defining run, and by the fifth it had become a gauntlet, though Coventry City, described in the source as newly promoted and in good form after two wins, remained first on the list throughout.

Five of them, and every one says Coventry first. Somebody ought to look into that.

The Herald did look into it. Across all five versions the dates were identical: Mon 19 Oct, Sat 24 Oct, Sat 31 Oct, Sat 7 Nov and Sat 21 Nov. No fixture was added, removed or moved, and the kick-off times of 20:00, 17:30, 17:30, 12:30 and 15:00 survived every handover intact.

The Big Six lists were likewise carried over unchanged. Arsenal's includes Hull City, which all five outlets mentioned and none explained.

The man at the table was observed reading the list aloud to a person who had already read it. He then read it a fifth time, in what the household described as a tone, and placed his phone face down beside the marmalade.

He was last seen waiting for the sixth version, which is understood to be on its way.

Send this to a mate

Before you go

The Monday Post-Mortem

The match report, in your inbox the morning after every game.

Free. One email per fixture. Unsubscribe whenever you like.

A small pundit seen from behind in a wood-panelled studio eyes a huge sun lounger with a skull-shaped beach umbrella, a warning about a holiday training camp.

Paper TalkThe High Road Herald

Gerrard Says Be Careful About Spurs Marbella Camp And By Fourth Website It Is Grave Danger

Philippa Crane · Media Editor13 October · Reading time: one pint

Steven Gerrard told The Overlap Daily that Marbella is a risk for a side near the bottom of the table, and the remark, which concerns a camp Spurs fly out to this week, has since been printed four times in four sizes.

A Tottenham household has traced a single remark by Steven Gerrard through four websites before eight o'clock and reports that the only thing to have grown is the vocabulary.

Mr Gerrard, speaking on The Overlap Daily, said Roberto De Zerbi should be very careful about Tottenham's warm-weather camp in Marbella, which he considered a risk for a club lying 19th. Spurs travel to Spain this week.

The Herald has examined the four reports in the order they were read. The first said Gerrard had urged caution. The second said he had issued a warning. The third called it an ominous warning, and the fourth settled on grave danger, a phrase Mr Gerrard is not understood to have used.

It said careful on the first one. By the fourth one it had a tone.

The household's review found that all four contained the same Gerrard remark, the same reference to Saturday's draw at Old Trafford, and the same line from De Zerbi about wanting a team rather than a group of players. Nothing was added at any stage, apart from adjectives, which were added at every stage.

Each report also recalled the Liverpool trip to the Algarve in 2007, in the same order and at the same length, like a relay team passing a baton it was not asked to carry.

It is understood the camp remains scheduled, and it is further understood that it was scheduled before any of the four reports was published.

The householder has since put the toast down and asked whether a fifth website is expected.

Send this to a mate

Before you go

The Monday Post-Mortem

The match report, in your inbox the morning after every game.

Free. One email per fixture. Unsubscribe whenever you like.