A small anonymous fan in a white shirt stands beside a tired old hatchback in front of a stadium, with a huge sports car looming behind it.

Paper TalkThe High Road Herald

Supporter Declares Fiesta Off The Road Outside Stadium After Marmoush Fined Over Uninsured McLaren

Philippa Crane · Media Editor12 October · Reading time: one pint

Tottenham loanee Omar Marmoush was fined £220 at Teesside Magistrates' Court after the DVLA found his McLaren uninsured, according to the Press Association, with £100 in costs and an £88 victim surcharge added.

A Tottenham man has declared his hatchback off the road, in person, on the forecourt of the stadium, after reading that Omar Marmoush was fined £220 over an uninsured McLaren.

The Press Association reported that Marmoush, who joined Spurs on loan from Manchester City in August, was found guilty at Teesside Magistrates' Court on 5 October. The DVLA brought the case after a fixed penalty issued in June went unpaid, and it was dealt with under the Single Justice Procedure.

The supporter read the story on his phone at 7.40am. By nine he was at the stadium, which is not the DVLA, and which was closed. He is understood to have regarded neither point as decisive.

If it can happen to a man with a McLaren, it can happen to a man with a 2011 Fiesta. Better to get in first.

Our correspondent watched him read aloud from the V5C to a turnstile for approximately forty minutes, pausing at the section on Statutory Off Road Notification, which he pronounced with great confidence and slightly wrong.

The Herald can confirm that the car is not at the stadium. It is in Croydon. He has declared it off the road from a distance of nine miles, and has since done the same for a bicycle, a lawnmower and a pushchair belonging to a neighbour, on a precautionary basis.

He has also noted that Marmoush's move, announced at the end of August, carries an obligation for the club to buy him for £60m at the end of the season. He considers this unrelated. He has written it down anyway.

He has now declared the stadium off the road. It was closed anyway.

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A small sleepless figure sits up in bed beneath three huge stacked blank sheets of paper and an oversized alarm clock.

Paper TalkThe High Road Herald

Householder Reads Monchi Sleep Remark On Roberto Fernandez Three Times And Is Kept Awake By It

Philippa Crane · Media Editor12 October · Reading time: one pint

Espanyol director of football Monchi told Sport he is not losing sleep over Tottenham's reported interest in Roberto Fernandez, whose release clause is €30m (£25.4m), and the remark has since appeared on at least three further screens.

A North London householder has read the same remark by Espanyol's director of football three times before eight o'clock and is understood to be no better informed than he was at the first reading.

Monchi told Sport that the club is not losing sleep over the possibility that Tottenham, among others, might pay Roberto Fernandez's €30m release clause. The Herald can confirm that this is the whole of the story.

The Herald has traced the remark through its subsequent journey. The first outlet reported it. The second outlet reported that the first outlet had reported it. The third added a photograph of the striker and the word monitoring.

By the fourth version, the director's remark had been described as relaxed, then unbothered, and finally, at a site the householder declines to name, as a message to Tottenham. The only new figure to appear along the way was £25.4m, which is €30m with the currency changed.

It says he's not losing sleep, so I've been lying awake working out what that means for January.

A second member of the household, who was buttering toast, said she had seen the same paragraph on her own phone at 6:40am and again on the bus, where it was developing.

The Herald notes that Chelsea and Brighton were also mentioned in each version, in the same order, and that the 3-1 win over Czechia and the six goals in seven matches were restated on every occasion, none of them any larger.

The householder has since put the phone face down beside the marmalade and has begun reading the jar.

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