Neighbour Has Now Heard Four Newspaper Ratings Of Djed Spence Through The Party Wall

The ratings were five, six, seven and five, and each was delivered at a volume the neighbour describes as informative.

Sir, I have lived beside a Tottenham man for eleven years and wish to place on record what I heard between 7.40am and 8.15am on Wednesday, through a wall that was not built for the purpose.

The Guardian, I learned, gave Djed Spence five out of ten for his part in England's draw with Ghana. I learned this the way I learn most things from next door, which is all at once and without having asked.

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The i Paper then gave six. The Independent gave seven. The Telegraph returned to five. Each was read aloud in full, with the reasoning, and then read again in a different voice.

Seven. That's the only one who actually watched it. Five is a man who's seen the highlights.

I have since worked out the average, as none was offered. It is 5.75, a figure he has so far declined to accept on the grounds that it contains the Guardian.

He has also visited the newsagent's, bought what was on the shelf, and read the remainder aloud from memory. I would add that he is now concerned about Saturday, when England play Panama, and I understand he has been concerned about it since roughly Wednesday.

I have been saying since August that the wall is too thin. Nobody has listened.

Yours faithfully, A Neighbour, N17

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A midfielder in a plain white shirt and navy shorts, seen from behind, dribbles a ball along a sunlit pitch in front of blank advertising boards and a blurred crowd.

TransfersThe High Road Herald

Allotment Holder Books Friday Off To Await Madrid Newspaper Decision And Postpones The Guttering

Barry Napier · Transfer Correspondent2 October

The leave was approved on Tuesday, and the report concerned a preference, which is not a signing.

An allotment holder in North London has taken a Friday off work to be near a radio, following a report in a Spanish newspaper that a midfielder would rather join Tottenham Hotspur than Real Madrid.

The midfielder is Mateus Fernandes. According to Diario AS, Madrid made an inquiry, and the player has decided he prefers Spurs, where he is said to expect more opportunities under Roberto De Zerbi. The Herald notes that no contract has been signed and that the word used was "prefers".

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The man, who submitted his leave request on Tuesday, has described the day as "blocked out for developments". It is understood he intends to spend it in his shed, which has a signal.

I could have done the guttering Friday. But if it breaks while I'm up a ladder, I'll be the last man in the street to know.

The guttering, which has been due since the spring, has therefore been moved to a date that the man described as "after the window". A second job, the felt on the shed roof, has been placed behind it in the queue.

Household sources confirm a visit to a garden centre planned for the same morning has been cancelled, and that a name and number shirt has already been ordered with the surname printed on the back. The Herald understands the printing is non-refundable.

The same report links the club with Sandro Tonali, a development the man has taken as grounds for a second, provisional day off in July. He has not yet asked.

At the time of going to press the radio was on, the flask was full and the guttering was still up.

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